Dallas: Bullets! I'm going to give him bullets. That's the best thing you can give to a psycho like that, especially if you expect something exciting to happen.
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Laurie: I have discovered that the only thing worse than Cruddy's ire is her gratitude.
Bran: We either laugh, or we cry. And nothing is more pitiful than a crying juggalo.
Bran: I would not go to that circus if it were camped around the only lake in the world and my ass were on fire.
Norah: My feet are thirsty for going in the water.
Cameron: It's addressed to both of us, so that means that neither one of us wants it.
Cameron: I'll go back there and I'll be Blind Fury with a stick.
Haylan: My boob hurts. Justin Timberlake must have squeezed it too hard.
Dallas: I don't want your damned waffle sandwich crap.
Dallas: Call and tell Pam it's too late, we don't want her to come now, we already found something else to eat.
Gene: I want it to be automagic.
Bran: This is a miracle dog. He walks through the wind and into your heart.
Regarding: Blackie.
Laurie: They're speculating that you and Gene are related.
Eric: Oh, dang, if that's true Gene & I can never get married.
Cameron: Shit creek actually isn't so bad.
Haylan: I'm just growing my hair out til its long enough I can wear this sweater without the stain showing.
Haylan: What I need is a hipper with a zoodie.
And a hoodie with a zipper.
Dallas: That damn squirrel is still a hooligan! He put his ears back and chuckled at me. Have you ever heard a squirrel chuckle? It's humiliating. Little fucking prima donna midget.
Talking in his sleep.
Laurie: I hope I can muster a next time. My fat disgusting thighs are crying like a baby with shit pants.
Bran: Sometimes, on a bad day, I buy those, and then eat them in the car outside of HEB "so they won't melt". I really need adult supervision because this is not going well.
Re: A whole box of ice cream sandwiches.
Bran: Haylan doesn’t need a Kleenex. She’s an animal.
Laurie: Am I darker than you?
Charlene: A corpse is darker than me.
Cameron: Donald Trump reminds me of my fingers after eating a bunch of Cheetos.
Cameron: When Batman threw down his kinda sharp thing, it killed the alligator.
Haylan: Your colon is like the inside of a 1969 Dairy Queen bathroom right after the circus came through.
Haylan: I take mecidine?
About 1.5 years old.