Laurie: In my next life, I want to come back as either Jessica Teseny's cat or Elizabeth MacDonald Cotner's kid.
I've amended this to come back as Haylan & Eric's cat.
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Gene: Our water softener is up to some mischief.
Bran: She’s a girl scout or what the fuck ever they call those clown assistants in weddings...when her sister gets married in September.
Dallas: She loves it, but please, for the love of god don't get her any more slime. I've been cleaning up slime, beads, and glitter off of everything all day.
Cameron: I think it's time to decorate for Halloween. Mama, go stand on the porch.
Haylan: Oh my god this keyboard on this phone is the size of a gum eraser, I swear I'm not drunk.
Haylan: Happa loodle doody.
Happy Noodle Boy
Dallas: 2.1? What’s 2.1 of a child? Well, I have 2 kids and a child’s hand.
Laurie: Some people like raisins. I don’t trust those people.
Bran: They smell like torturous conversations with ancient women.
Re: Roses.
Dallas: I ready go home now, I be bad.
'83. Less than 2. At this point, you knew you had 15 minutes to at least be on the way home or he was DONE.
Cameron: Can you imagine getting stabbed with a butter knife? You'd still be stabbed but you'd be such a pussy.
Cameron: Ew, a lumster. I gumpled up what I wanted of that lumster and gave my friend the rest.
Playing a video game.
Haylan: The kids have their twat hats on today.
Dallas: We need spies, but in my dreams, I'm daring, dirty and beautiful.
Dallas: I like that bamalla cheese.
Bamalla = Mozzerella. He was 2.
Gene: I was trying to remember what year a movie came out and I thought I had lost contact with the time continuum.
Bran: What I need to do is gain 150-200 pounds and take Jared up there as my ventriloquist’s dummy.
Gene suggested that Branden attend an open mic night at a comedy club.
Eric: I wonder what animals I'm compatible with? Or are they using the blood to feed animals?
Eric contemplates giving blood.
Cameron: I wouldn't mind if my name was Feminish.
Haylan: Now that my pants are off, this vacation is great!
Haylan: If I'm gonna be lovin', you don't be bitin'. It's like petting with your teeth.
Dallas: I like getting into arguments with Cameron. He insults me and I insult myself and we both have a really good time.
Laurie: Me and Haylan are the only ones with taste, the rest of y’all can go suck a bag of dicks.
Bran: I want a gun that shoots Twix candy. Then I want to put it in my mouth and pull the trigger until I am the size of a really big whale.