Laurie: Oh, wait a minute. While you’re up there, get down.
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Bran: Take a deep breath and pee somewhere inventive.
Branden's cure for stress.
Haylan: I almost always end up with more than I mean to. But I also drove back from Wyoming that year with 71 tea cups in car so maybe I shouldn't be trusted.
Cameron: They have been damaging my calm for over a year.
Cameron: You can have the rest of my canine juice.
K9 Juice = V8
Haylan: Could she be any cuter? I'm going to kill her and take her face.
Dallas: Do you remember when I said I was gonna regret eating those habaneros? Well, it happened just now.
Norah: Why is your beard connected to your hair? And your mustache is attached to your beard, too. Hey, Grampa, why do you have hair in your ear?
Laurie: I'll just sit here and shit myself. It won't make my day any worse.
Gene: See, if everyone was like me, the world would be such a better place. Of course, I’d have to start killing some of yas, because I wouldn’t be able to stand any of you.
Bran: Okay, should he be playing his drum with a femur or a foot?
Building a miniature.
Eric: He looks like he ate Jason Mamoa.
Cameron: PawPaw was born there a long time ago, back in the Black & whites, & he's lived there all his life.
Haylan: You know, I flew almost 3500 miles and was muddy and salty, all my clothes in my bag smelled so bad and the one clean thing I had was a pair of underwear. I get to Houston and I realize they were not clean, they were just inside out.
Haylan: He has never made the mistake of thinking, not ever in his whole life.
Dallas: Does anyone want any of these Euro-Von-Tonic onion rings?
Generic Funyuns. They looked better than they tasted.
Laurie: I have a hard time being classy or maybe it’s that I do have a lot of class, it’s just all 3rd class.
Bran: You can see pretty deep into someone's ear when they don't fight back.
Laurie: It smells like McDonald's. Ack.
Gene: It may smell bad, but it doesn't taste good.
Cameron: Why would I lie about my farts? I love them.
Cameron: Come get your money, it's made out of silver. God knows where I've been.
Cameron's version of Blood Money by Bon Jovi
Haylan: You think they're gonna kill him in the show the same way as the comic? If they do, it's gonna be like when Pikachu gave all those people seizures.
Dallas: Y'all don't need the fucking comedy channel. I got you covered.
Eric: Between yard eggs and ukuleles, my threshold of normal may be skewed.
Laurie: An Observation: Normally my air freshener thing in the laundry room behind the cat pan works really well. This morning, it smells like a cat shit under a fruit tree.