Cameron: We're just sitting here minding our own business and Jaredx's saying crazy stuff, just banging his tongue in his mouth.
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Dallas: Society doesn't want to admit there are women that shit and masturbate, and some women do it at the same time, and those are the women I want to know.
Laurie: We should all handle stress like a dog. Pee on it and walk away.
Gene: All of the legendary stories that never happened in the past, no matter how fantastic, are bound to happen in the future.
Bran: Eric needs a nun hat and a yardstick.
Dian: Not drinking water is like not flushing the toilet. If you don't keep it cleaned out, all of a sudden you're shitting in a bag.
Cameron: I like cats cause they'll smell anything you put on your finger.
Haylan: I was holding on to this Jack O'Lantern, praying to the gods of Halloween for one more Halloween.
Haylan: I wanted to do it. And I'm still here eating Lucky Charms and getting fatter by the second.
Dallas: I like the kid rides that shake you so hard it hurts and they’re not scary or fun.
Laurie: Some of y’all are just teeny weenie travel sized douche bags. You aren’t even good enough to be a full sized kit...so maybe you should just stop trying.
Bran: When I sit down on my new mattress, it feels like angels are reaching up to cradle my butt in their mystical hands.
Dallas: I wanna go my house real bad. I want my Mama real bad.
'83 Less than 2 years old. He meant this from the bottom of his heart.
Cameron: I hate fat free cream cheese. It tastes like butt. It's like someone said I'll take something delicious and turn it into something awful.
Cameron: I don't need help, I need you.
Haylan: I don't ever remember getting taller, not in my whole life.
Dallas: In our house, even the lamps have bad teeth and dreadlocks.
Dallas: I like that peppermoanie.
Peppermoanie = pepperoni. Age 2.
Gene: I might need a nap. I don’t know. If I fall asleep, I need a nap.
Bran: When you don’t know what you’re doing, you never know how long it will take.
Norah: Look and watch.
Cameron: Only Gene could find a way to make a salad bad for you.
Haylan: Now I'm not as sleepy because I got excited about napping.
Haylan: How? How does this happen? What kind of huge fucking cougar do we have in here?
Dallas: Wait. Everybody's talking to me at once, and I have a small brain.