Bran: I plead 3rd party status. I am a nonhuman entity who would like to see nothing better than either: The complete cooperation of mankind, OR the complete destruction of mankind. Preferably all at once (with either option).
A fresh look through the quote file
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558 quotes in this Browse library
Eric: Like having the comfort of a weighted blanket with the benefits of acupuncture.
Sounds like a cat, eh?
Cameron: Wild squirtles don't come with sunglasses
Cameron: Some popcorn has bones.
Haylan: Dear Butterfinger, I am very upset at my experience with one of the Butterfinger miniatures I was eating. I was partaking in the entire bag I just got from the local groceries Halloween candy isle when I open one and notice that something strange is already afoot with it. I pull the delicious chocolately candy out of it's wrapper and discover it is half the size it should be! Oh, it's just broken in half, that was all. I calmed myself a moment but then the horror struck me. Deep in my soul I felt the icy chill take over; my skin became riddled with goosebumps and a damp, clammy sweat took over my being. I felt a little dizzy in my brain, perhaps caused by disbelief, that to my astonishment, the other half of the broken Butterfinger simply was not there. Where did it go? What happened to it? I hope to hear from you regarding this detrimental experience and that you can locate the other half. Regards, Haylan Teel
Dallas: I'm pretty shit as a commercial artist. I have really radical ideas and I don't work well with others.
Norah: I can't put this in. My backpack is full.
Grampa: I can carry it, I have plenty of hands.
Norah: Ha. He only has 2 hands.
Norah whispered to me after her conversation with Gene.
Laurie: We could put this whole conversation in the quote file if it wasn't so insulting.
Gene: This whip has a little pencil on the end of it so I can take names while I’m kicking ass.
Bran: Kids don’t care how fast you’re going, it’s how loud your feet are.
Haylan: New Life Rule: If you are not allowed to drive or bathe yourself for 24 hours, you should not be calling the county tax office.
Cameron: If everyone thought with their mouths closed, we would never have gotten anywhere as a race, as a species, as a world.
Haylan: My voice + Babe's voice = Kermit's voice.
Haylan: There's been a slight case of death.
Dallas: I like Richard Bay, he’s a good man.
Yes, the talk show host.
Laurie: Oh, wait a minute. While you’re up there, get down.
Bran: Take a deep breath and pee somewhere inventive.
Branden's cure for stress.
Haylan: I almost always end up with more than I mean to. But I also drove back from Wyoming that year with 71 tea cups in car so maybe I shouldn't be trusted.
Cameron: They have been damaging my calm for over a year.
Cameron: You can have the rest of my canine juice.
K9 Juice = V8
Haylan: Could she be any cuter? I'm going to kill her and take her face.
Dallas: Do you remember when I said I was gonna regret eating those habaneros? Well, it happened just now.
Norah: Why is your beard connected to your hair? And your mustache is attached to your beard, too. Hey, Grampa, why do you have hair in your ear?
Laurie: I'll just sit here and shit myself. It won't make my day any worse.
Gene: See, if everyone was like me, the world would be such a better place. Of course, I’d have to start killing some of yas, because I wouldn’t be able to stand any of you.