Cameron: Only Gene could find a way to make a salad bad for you.
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Haylan: Now I'm not as sleepy because I got excited about napping.
Haylan: How? How does this happen? What kind of huge fucking cougar do we have in here?
Dallas: Wait. Everybody's talking to me at once, and I have a small brain.
Laurie: One of these days, being stupid might not be as great as you think it is.
Laurie: Beggars can't be choosers.
Bran: It depends on how white they are.
Dallas: I don't know what I want but I don't want whatever y'all want me to have.
1987.
Cameron: Life is all about finding places you're comfortable to fart in.
Cameron: He only bloodied one forehead, but it was the only forehead he had.
Haylan: Right as I try to tickle you and start to feel better, you go and shit your pants.
Dallas: Carnival justice is quick and often wrong.
Dallas: Sometimes Spiderman swings by his peanut, that's what happens when Wonder Woman messes with him.
4 years old.
Gene: It’s like looking down the hole of an outhouse and picking out the best turd.
Looking at a list of republican candidates.
Bran: Just because you are good at swimming, does not mean that there are not sharks in the water.
Gene: I'll go with you. There are plenty of people out there who look as bad as I do.
Looking at the gathering of hillbillies at my cousin James' graveside service.
Cameron: Why don't you just have a can of shit, like everyone else?
Haylan: Science is stronger than religion and that's why people get pregnant.
Haylan: It's not perfume, it's that smelly good stuff.
Dallas: Nope, you're too old. You smell too bad. You're almost a dog.
Po'Nard.
Laurie: I used some of those dastardly wax strips on my legs and pits because I keep getting ingrown hairs. Those things are really implements of torture and if they’re not illegal under the Geneva Convention, they should be.
Bran: The only thing stopping us is our own vile laziness.
Dallas: Baby Haylan my little daughter, too.
1984
Cameron: I thought I was a narcissist. Then I saw people on Instagram..
Cameron: Yeah, and life is hard. 01.16.95.
Yeah, don't tell him how old he is...
Dallas: I don't know if you know this, but women have hair and I'm not into them looking like little girls so if that was it, fuck them, too.
This is in reply to someone who dropped of an Instagram account after commenting about razor stubble in a healing tattoo pic.