Gene: There's that sharp tongue.
Norah: It's not sharp, it's fancy like a chandelier.
I had commented that Norah had had a sharp tongue all day. Gene didn't see it until he did.
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Cameron: He thinks just because he's got two buttholes he can shit on us with both of them.
Haylan: Never trust a man who wears an otter as a hat.
Haylan: Keiko made this big elaborate production out of throwing up--a huge show, full of lights and glitter and she only puked a spot the size of a dime....bitch.
Dallas: That's okay, I'll probably have to throw it in the river if I ever use it anyway, so I might as well have a cheap one.
Laurie: Gene has a real issue with believing that everyone sees things the way he does. He's got the biggest thickest pair of rose colored glasses I've ever seen.
Bran: I wish that I could say that this is less true a year later. Now, I have perfected some Kaiju level Peeves. They are teaming up with Godzilla, Gamera, and Mothra in an end all fight to the death Ragnarock battle to the finish against the peeves of religious shut-ins, homophobes and racists, all across the globe.
Re: His earlier quote about peeves.
Bran: On the next “Current Affair”: Why did Lucifer really get kicked out of the Kingdom of Heaven? Was it because he sinned or was it the peanut butter and onion sandwich he made?
Date Unrecorded.
Eric: Ice is basically disposable rocks.
Cameron: Well, you know what they say, go big or go home and you're already home so that only leaves you one choice.
Cameron: You're about to reach the point of my rear end.
Haylan: Your beard smells like sunshine.
Dallas: They're high. They've been licking toads or something.
Dallas: I'm sitting in the dark and I can't see a thing, the fire dragons came and now they are gone. The ceiling fan's on and I'm getting quite cold. There's a fire in the pasture and the neighbors don't care. I'm sitting in the darkness in my underwear. Oh oh oh in the darkness. The fire just got bigger and the neighbors are burning. Now everybody's gone cause of my underwear.
Sometime in the early 90s. This was his song a la The Cure named Fire Dragons.
Gene: Do you want the Spanish subtitles on?
Ben Broussard: Yeah, but turn it up so I can tell you what the subtitles mean.
Bran: Some old asshole is getting a mother’s day gift. So you’ll have to help keep an eye out for UPS.
My first born uttered this to me.
Bran: Please look after cats. Will return when the bleak winter has passed. Send love to Aunt Ethel.
Cameron: I thought I was filling it up but I looked and there was like 75 cents worth of poop in there.
Haylan: Man, the other day there was all these bugs in the bath tub with me. It was weird.
Haylan: Oh man, I love them like kittens.
Re: Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies
Dallas: I'm really only interested in the ones I say.
Laurie: I've had to blow it out and grease it up twice in the last month...it's like having a frigid lover.
It was my sewing machine...
Bran: Hah, I just flicked a booger in the trash can at the same exact moment that someone down the row from me made a loud popping sound, so it sounded like I had a 90 pound death booger!
Bran: I wish Daddy would go ahead and get old and quit talking about it.
Norah: I'm going to take my backpack to school for Show Off.