Haylan: Besides a few unsavory things, your favorite thing about the internet is cats.
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Dallas: Our best ideas were always wrong but that didn't mean we weren't going to try.
Laurie: Some of you folks out there are far too gleeful about other folks' woes. It makes you look like real assholes.
Gene: Blackie must be gay running across the country destroying American families.
Bran: It’s just like John Denver, but with landmarks we’ve never heard of.
Re: Canadian music.
Bran: Jesus Hood Ornament Christ, for the smallest, softest, cutest, sweetest thing, Envy can take a shit that would rival any of the Old Gods for sheer obliterating stench. I think my heart stopped for a few minutes. I would request CPR if it wasn't like to kill anyone who tried to come in here and save me. I need a shower after being in the room where that happened.
Cameron: I bet if Superman wore those glasses, I bet everyone would just think it was Clark Kent in an outfit.
Haylan: You're one pun closer to divorce.
Eric: You're one MORE pun closer to divorce.
Haylan: I like mints, cause they taste just like they’re killing something.
Dallas: Sometimes you don’t know what it’s saying if you don’t read too good.
Subtitles.
Laurie: Some of y’all are working hard at being ignorant.
Bran: I don't even have "Pet Peeves" any more. I have huge overgrown Battle Ready Peeves. Peeves that need to be homed on some rehab / safari place for when idiots raise scary pets that become too large and fearsome to be taken care of. My Peeves need to go live with that Chimp That Ripped The Lady's Face Off, a Bear Who Mauls Everyone, Tillikum The Orca Whale Of Death, and 37 Mad Tigers Behind A Sketchy Chainlink Fence Somewhere In The Woods.
Bran: We didn't do anything fun. We didn't color or anything, all we did was practice a fire.
First day of Kindergarten '79
Cameron: If you surround yourself with assholes then you're going to get shit on.
Cameron: Which one would you portifically take?
Haylan: Had an awesome Batman dream last night, minus the fact that I was Vicki Vale. Who the heck has a Batman dream where they are Vicki Vale? The dream gods are laughing.
Dallas: Fighting the unprovoked seems to be the national pass time.
Laurie: I want you to know that I love you so very much & I think you are a great & wonderful person...much like the wizard of oz if he wasn't a fraud.
Gene: Pirates are just Gypsies that stole a boat.
Bran: I feel almost as thought I’ve taken some weird medicine that’s made me lightheaded, dizzy and scatterbrained. Man, I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Kim, but she gets it 24/7.
Eric: That teacher might have been right...you might be the devil.
I can tell you that old battle axe wasn't right...how dare she call my little angel Satan.
Cameron: I'm bored & hungry. They don't mix very well. If I were any stupider I might eat you.
Haylan: I always want french fries. I have a problem. I have french frytis".
Haylan: That cat is like a seal on crutches trying to cook coffee with pinto beans.
Jimbob: I am drunker than skunk!