Haylan: For your birthday I have placed a small box under your bed as a present. It's filled with spiders and a small cobra. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday wishes to Stewart from Haylan.
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Dallas: We made Stewart use the auto tune last night. He wasn't having it. It was like putting a cat in water.
Laurie: Oh how I wish...that the big fisted, stomach filling, swill having suckers in my house would at least close up the plastic containers with brownies, cookies etc in them...when you're done eating half of them at once. Thanks ~ Management.
Gene: This is horrible. I’m still going to eat it, but it’s horrible.
Re: Some shortbread cookies I made from a mix. (Probably an expired mix, too.)
Bran: What else do lobsters have to do? Their Nintendos don’t work
Gene: Chat GPT and I finally fixed the problem.
Faedorah: That's great. What was the problem?
Gene: Chat GPT.
Cameron: Oh you're bleeding on the back of the head, my little brother.
Haylan: Now you're putting it back in your mouth! I'm gonna punch the end of your cup if you do ANYTHING else weird. I cant take you anywhere nice.
Haylan: Well, it’s a convenience store, right? It should be convenient to the customer AND the people who work there.
Again, as Donna, helping Gene answer job interview questions.
Dallas: When I’m in the car, I sit down.
Only since he got too tall to stand in it.
Laurie: Believing should never replace thinking.
Bran: Every time I see pictures of babies like this it looks to me like they are stuck to the ceiling.
This would be babies lying on the floor with nothing around them for context.
Cameron: I want to waste a bunch of money. Internet Explorer better work before I come to my senses.
Cameron: Is my nose straight, or is it off to one side?
Haylan: When I think about the men in my life, I'm a sucker. You and Blackie--money gobblin' sons a bitches.
Dallas: You have a whole pizza to yourself. Did you have a bad day?
Laurie: Lesson 534: Why proofreading is so important. There is a huge difference between 'she dug her nails into his back', and 'she dug her nails into his bag'.
Gene: They aren’t real Gypsies. They don’t have scabbards or turbans or an eye patch.
Bran: Note: If I type it, it’s a word, so STFU.
Laurie: I was wondering how in the hell a whole king sized pillow case just totally disappeared from the laundry...then I realized it never made it in there. My little husband totally wallowed his pillow case off and rooted it off the bed, where it was hanging lifelessly between the mattress and the headboard...dangling there like a criminal on the hanging tree.
Cameron: Now, YOU'RE the pinata, bitch!
Haylan: I would be really mad if you killed me.
Haylan: I’m not going to bed tonight cause I’ve had a whole lot of cotton candy and I’ve still got some left.
Dallas: I wanna have a hillbilly Tomb Raider. ‘I done found me a secret off in here. Ah’m gonna shoot me a bear with this shotgun.
Laurie: I’m not anti-social. I’m self contained.