Cameron: Is my nose straight, or is it off to one side?
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Haylan: When I think about the men in my life, I'm a sucker. You and Blackie--money gobblin' sons a bitches.
Dallas: You have a whole pizza to yourself. Did you have a bad day?
Laurie: Lesson 534: Why proofreading is so important. There is a huge difference between 'she dug her nails into his back', and 'she dug her nails into his bag'.
Gene: They aren’t real Gypsies. They don’t have scabbards or turbans or an eye patch.
Bran: Note: If I type it, it’s a word, so STFU.
Laurie: I was wondering how in the hell a whole king sized pillow case just totally disappeared from the laundry...then I realized it never made it in there. My little husband totally wallowed his pillow case off and rooted it off the bed, where it was hanging lifelessly between the mattress and the headboard...dangling there like a criminal on the hanging tree.
Cameron: Now, YOU'RE the pinata, bitch!
Haylan: I would be really mad if you killed me.
Haylan: I’m not going to bed tonight cause I’ve had a whole lot of cotton candy and I’ve still got some left.
Dallas: I wanna have a hillbilly Tomb Raider. ‘I done found me a secret off in here. Ah’m gonna shoot me a bear with this shotgun.
Laurie: I’m not anti-social. I’m self contained.
Bran: Just got back from Cedar Park Wal-Mart... I thought I was on a secret set filming "Gummo 2". Fucking seriously, Cedar Park... is there some secret competition for the Inbreeding World Cup that I don't know about?
Bran: I was sitting here waiting for a taxi and I slobbered all over myself.
'79 He was sitting on the side of the pool and just blurted this out.
Cameron: Preheat oven? Who the hell cooks a Hungry Man dinner in the oven? If you're willing to cook something in the oven, you don't buy a Hungry Man.
Cameron: Daddy, I know your fooley tricks. I'm not going for it.
Haylan: Live hard, never learn.
Dallas: When it's too fucking much trouble to make grits for your mama, we should all just move to Yankee Land. Robert E. Lee didn't fight and die so you could tell me it's too much trouble.
Laurie: In my next life, I want to come back as either Jessica Teseny's cat or Elizabeth MacDonald Cotner's kid.
I've amended this to come back as Haylan & Eric's cat.
Gene: Our water softener is up to some mischief.
Bran: She’s a girl scout or what the fuck ever they call those clown assistants in weddings...when her sister gets married in September.
Dallas: She loves it, but please, for the love of god don't get her any more slime. I've been cleaning up slime, beads, and glitter off of everything all day.
Cameron: I think it's time to decorate for Halloween. Mama, go stand on the porch.
Haylan: Oh my god this keyboard on this phone is the size of a gum eraser, I swear I'm not drunk.
Haylan: Happa loodle doody.
Happy Noodle Boy