Bran: Buy a dildo, bitch. They don’t argue.
To a woman driving past who was fighting with her boyfriend/husband.
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Eric: He had grey hair in the 80s....and that was 20 years ago.
Eric: It was easier to get jesus to raise from the dead than it was to wake me up in the morning
Cameron: I like it when you get your butt really hot and you sit down and it burns your ass.
Haylan: Your confidence in me is startling. And completely misled.
No, it isn't.
Haylan: Mama, how do you spell sevening? You know, like 'the sevening?
Dallas: Yeah, Bill! I love Bill! I wish he could still live with us.
Bill was an AC repairman that wasn’t very good at his job & he practically lived with us a few summers before this, & never did fix our AC.
Gene: Come on, people, what shade of green are you waiting for?
At a traffic light.
Bran: I can’t believe I just said the words “butt hole balm” and Evan didn’t suddenly appear.
Eric: Found a 75 hour biography of Mark Twain...See ya on the other side.
Cameron: May your birthday be filled with candy from strange pockets
Birthday wishes to Maggie.
Cameron: I'm not a witch, I'm a starecrow.
Haylan: Gosh, someone needs to take out his battery.
Dallas: You cannot look too close at a bearded lady. If you value your asshole, you cannot look too close at a bearded lady.
Laurie: What the hell? One of you guys stinks. One of you has taken a shit in your little furry pants.
Blackie & Cruddy...someone farted.
Gene: Operation Border Escort.
Bran: Danny never got naked with the kids unless he was up to something real bad.
Bran: Dreams are a really weird and convoluted way to just go ahead and hurt your own feelings.
Cameron: He’s not going to bed to go to sleep. He’s going in there to laugh and talk and play games with Mama.
He had Gene all figured out.
Haylan: I think I'm haunted. I say "don't take your shoes off because you have to get up in just a minute." that minute passes and I get up and how did my shoes get off my feet?
Haylan: I've ate dirt on a cracker before, Mama, trust me, I can eat dirt on bread.
Dallas: I found a lock with no key, at Ruby's house, and a good, good pair of scissors, and I bolted 'em up where nobody can use 'em any more.
Gene: It's the Invasion of Mormondy across the street.
Bran: Did you hear about the man who got killed by his pet snake? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Gene: Put the old curtains in a garbage bag and I'll put them down the chute.
Laurie: Do you think they'll fit down the chute?
Gene: Oh, I'll get them down the chute but we might hear about it later.
We had already heard about all the Styrofoam Gene shoved down the chute. :{