Haylan: What he said really chipped my butt.
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Dallas: It’s like Hick Fest ‘95.
Re: The festival in Huntsville, Texas at the Sam Houston Museum...Pioneer Days or something.
Laurie: I guess if you have to be stupid, it’s better to be beautiful.
Bran: Why nothing matters in life and everything is pointless: No matter how hard I work, or what I do with my life, I will never get to grow up and become Godzilla.
Bran: I don't think I can ever stop being mad that I was born too late to ride a dinosaur, and too early to drive a giant robot.
Cameron: When something smells like a banana, but is not a banana, it really bothers me.
Cameron: Hey, Broccoli is the dog on Sesame Street!
Haylan: Be brave honey...and if you don't go to class tomorrow I'm going to kill you.
Dallas: It's hard to eat pepper sandwiches.
Laurie: Pippin went to get groomed.
Gene: He's going to come back looking like he joined the military.
Laurie: People get all bent out of shape over wieners but they are finally to the point where they can take a butthole.
Gene: They’re cats. They’ve got a god given right to other people’s money.
Bran: When Joanne sleeps, she’s got Alzheimer’s.
Eric: I had surgery today and all the sudden decided to adult while I was s'posed to be napping.
Cameron: Remember those guys from Sesame Street? Bernie and Ert?
Haylan: Don't even interrupt me when I'm talking about cream cheese.
Haylan: I wasn't spying on her. I was just getting my shoes and making very little noise so she wouldn't hear me.
Dallas: What’s a man’s name that can also be a girl’s name if you put an icky on it?
Nicky?
Laurie: I’m sorry but if baby Jesus was crying for no more reason than that, I’ll stick a pin in him and give him something to cry about.
Bran: I have a new million dollar idea. Summer camps for kids diagnosed with ADD-ADHD... to teach them to focus and apply themselves and overcome their problems. They'd be called 'concentration camps'
Eric: Apparently getting drunk on Coors light in a Texas campground changes the biochemistry of a Canadian's brain and they automatically know the words to 'Simple Man' but don't know who it's by.
Cameron: Those ginger snaps have a weird after taste...like something you're not supposed to eat. They taste like you ate a Christmas ornament.
Cameron: Look at that hairy ice cream. That hand came and put that stuff all on it, and now they gotta eat the hairy ice cream.
He was watching a Hershey's Chocolate Syrup commercial.
Haylan: People think just because they're standing around smoking they can stare at you.
Dallas: Muscles? Hell, I'm made of bones and ink.