Bran: I have a new million dollar idea. Summer camps for kids diagnosed with ADD-ADHD... to teach them to focus and apply themselves and overcome their problems. They'd be called 'concentration camps'
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Eric: Apparently getting drunk on Coors light in a Texas campground changes the biochemistry of a Canadian's brain and they automatically know the words to 'Simple Man' but don't know who it's by.
Cameron: Those ginger snaps have a weird after taste...like something you're not supposed to eat. They taste like you ate a Christmas ornament.
Cameron: Look at that hairy ice cream. That hand came and put that stuff all on it, and now they gotta eat the hairy ice cream.
He was watching a Hershey's Chocolate Syrup commercial.
Haylan: People think just because they're standing around smoking they can stare at you.
Dallas: Muscles? Hell, I'm made of bones and ink.
Haylan: What I would like to do is pull out all my teeth and send them to Blue Cross in the mail.
Laurie: This is why I am self contained. I can't stand the human race in general. I find a few people palatable but only with salt & cayenne pepper.
Gene: It’s nothing. It’s just someone trying to get in on an intelligent conversation that doesn’t have any business in it.
Bran: That’s because all the white horses are still in bed. If I can find where those fuckers sleep, Imma set fire to their mattress
Norah: These don't suffercate because they don't breathe.
Cameron: It's scary holding dead cock roaches ‘cause you don’t know when they’re going to come back to life.
Haylan: Sorry, a beard hair went up my nose and I thought it was a ghost.
Haylan: Is this just eat on Haylan day or something?
Dallas: I want to be just as shrimpy and crappy looking as I can be.
Laurie: I need a recumbent bike if I ever ride again. I can’t deal with all the falling over crap.
Bran: I can't believe he said the word bank without the word robbery following it. Lisa must be some kind of alien and she laid eggs in him or something.
Dallas: Norah, I see you've added lying to your list of skills in your resume.
Cameron: I'm a good Christmas investigator.
Cameron: There's a worm in my beer, I cry about my dear. There's a ear in my beer.
Cameron wrote a country song.
Haylan: These are so good, they're like vegetable candy.
Haylan loves Brussel Sprouts.
Dallas: He looks like someone shrunk Ben with a funny ray.
Re: Simon Bar Sinister Broussard's resemblance to Ben.
Haylan: If you find me dead later, it's because I ate the shrimp.
Laurie: I have discovered that, often, sewing goes much more smoothly when I do what I want rather than what they tell me.
Gene: You know, I’m not sure that old saying was right. I’m not sure that a boob in the hand is worth two in the bush. I’m pretty sure two in the bush is better.