Dallas: We don't even need to learn how to read, we'll just get a picture bible.
Satirizing the over Christian-ized, under funded education system in Texas & other parts of the USA.
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Laurie: Our neighbors are all conspiring against us. The Martins, The Tuckers and The Gages all mowed their yards. Now, ours looks like the hairy alcoholic brother.
Bran: You are a diabolical mastermind and quite possibly insane. I love it.
He said this to me about a book I wrote.
Bran: You know the difference between monkeys and people? Monkeys don’t know how to be careful.
Eric: Psoriasis sounds like a tasty cheese.
Eric: Someone pooped in the bathtub, and it wasn't me.
Cameron: I’m just sitting here with my love arrow between my legs.
He was playing Cupid.
Haylan: I feel like I'm laying here, and my brain is attached to my eyes with doublesided tape and they're floating. You don't know that feeling? It's like womwomwomw omwomwom".
Haylan took Benadryl.
Haylan: Mama, he's lipping behind your back.
Dallas: Nana's got more wisdom than all of us put together. She just can't remember none of it.
Gene: You're the meat in an idiot sandwich.
Bran: I smell amazing. I’m going to ask myself out on a date
Bran: Jesus Fookin' Christ. Splendid threw up and Hasil ran to eat it. He thinks she's a goddamn wet food dispenser.
Cameron: I only lick the armpits of people I love.
I told him Cruddy was trying to lick my pits.
Cameron: Mama, do we have any more moose licks?
Moose Licks = Meuslix cereal.
Haylan: Sometimes when I'm falling asleep, I think of scary noises by mistake.
Dallas: I've learned that there are stiff penalties for existing.
Laurie: If the best you can do for fireworks is to pop off a bunch of crap that sounds like a drunk halfheartedly and sleepily banging on an empty shortening can with a wooden spoon, maybe you should just give up.
Gene: Their sad god...my god doesn’t have to be wound up on Sunday
Bran: Well, get thee back to the castle, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
Said to Cameron
Eric: Just tell the doctor, "It's my French fry hole."
Cameron: I’m gonna go get me a sandwich. My stomach is beating on my liver and the whole thing is giving me a headache.
Haylan: Showering is for chumps. Take naps! They are for champs.
Haylan: Are we gonna do it face-headed?
Dallas: Mama, do you think Kevin's ever going to let me fight as a werewolf? That's the only reason for being a human; a human's the most boring thing there is. I didn't want to be just a regular dumb old man. That's what I am every day is just a regular dumb old man.